Chaos

This room was neat but here it is piled with camping supplies and other stuff for our big move –including bubbles, stickers, travel pillows and a very bright flashlight.

This move is all about a fresh start for us, and our plan is to sell virtually everything and take only what will fit in and on our car. We will, after all, need to move again temporarily before the baby is born to be near our midwives 3.5 hours away.

All this upheaval, boxes filling the hallway, strangers stopping by to pay us to take away baby items and other miscellaneous debris of our life.

This in-between time, where you aren’t fully any longer “here” but not yet “there” always seems like chaos to me. It’s a time to really evaluate priorities. Suddenly we are realizing all our socks seem to have holes, we haven’t had a haircut in quite a while, and I feel frumpy in all my worn, milk-eaten clothes. We have changed and our environment and possessions have stayed the same. So many things we hang on to because they are “nice” or have certain memories, and now we are faced with really having to evaluate each and every item. It is a humbling experience given that we already own very little compared to the average north American with a child. It makes me wonder how much we really need? How much we really want?

Our original plan was to get a u-haul trailer and now I see how I don’t even like most of our furniture, being in a bit of a permanent transient mindset, we never really invested in furniture, even when we could afford to do so. I look around and see things I find ugly, or associate with people I no longer want to think of…as it says in “Clear Your Clutter with Feng shui” if half your possesions are associated with the past (esp. negatively or outdated) then half your energy is tied up in the past and moving forward will be difficult. Feng shui is all about symbolism, and I always find it surprising how unconscious decisions about my environment reflect deeper truths in myself. Getting rid of things involves a lot of trust in yourself, and in life, to bring you what you need. This is something I struggle with and strive to embrace. Everything is fleeting, fire could take all this stuff tomorrow. It makes me look deeper too at people I need to forgive –so that *I* can move on. How long have I spent nursing wounds from long ago? How much of my energy is even “here” and available, and how much is tied up in the past (which is over).

Anyway, just some thoughts and reflections…

~Laura

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