I’ve decided to stay in this space for now. I think the benefits to me and my family outweigh the risks…that may change, though I certainly hope not. I think it’s all about a fundamental decision about whether I trust the universe or not…something very big for me right now, and something I really have struggled with since (you guessed it) our babe came earthside. But I have to remind myself trusting and being in control are very different.
I got restless yesterday and decided it was time to try wet felting a wall hanging the way it’s described in Heaven on Earth.
Finished..um… thing. Quail proudly showed it to her Daddy when he got home.
Then I got a little saucy in my living room, see if you can spot the changes…
No? Look a little closer…
So..this was a beige lampshade…and it’s new “skin” was a sling. I didn’t like either as they were so Tada! They got repurposed into something funkier.
Does it go with the new forget-me-not curtains…er..in our house I guess so!
I heart these. I made enough for three rooms which are the only ones which have significant windows.
I have a lot running through my mind lately, so I’ll categorize it to prevent a long rambly post.
Eating: not inspired in this department at all this week due to emotional upheaval and a sick baby. So, we foraged whatever we could from the cupboard.
Healing: This somehow seems such a loaded and multi-faceted word right now…Sapphire is now down from 2 ml’s 3 x’s per day of the prescription antacid (I *never* wanted her to take in the first place) to .5 mls at night until it’s gone. There has been a mild increase in the reflux, but we’re upping the probiotics, ferments such as sauerkraut (for enzymes and probiotics), bone broths, and have added in syringe-fulls of marshmallow root infusion to try to really heal the issue. We’re officially going off all dairy: goat/cow/sheep/camel…it’s out. Only human milk products for my babe and none at all for me. I will miss butter and cheese the most, and I hope we can someday have these again without mood swings, sinus congestion, brain fog (me), and horrible reflux and weird skin rashes bordering on eczema. Homeopathics continue to be part of the picture for us with success, but we are still searching for the root reflux issue/cause.
Emotionally, I am seeking to heal more and more as days go by from the …C-section. Goodness, I feel like a broken record. I wish I could write more on it, to share and help others heal, but at the moment the words won’t flow, only tears. I am ok, but definitely still in process. So many mamas are, but few share it. Right now I hope to start reconnecting with my belly, uterus etc. and sending it some love, not shame. I’m not there yet. Sewing beautiful fun clothes for myself is part of healing and intending to feel good in the skin I’m in, no matter what. Things could be much worse than a big ol’ scar and a floppy tummy.
Speaking of bodies, I watched Petals:Vagina Dialogues on Netflix the other night. Oh man. Ladies, watch it! Men, watch with your ladies! It felt healing to watch it and caused the tears to flow at times. It is all about how unique we are and how beautiful vulvas and vaginas are. And I realized, I hadn’t connected with my vagina, or ever appreciated it, especially since it failed to birth my baby. I know what you’ll say, but those are my true feelings.How many of even us homebirthers and homebirth wannabe’s know what we really look like, especially without a baby’s head bulging under our skin? Do our partners? This movie will truly help you appreciate the variety. It is NOT pornographic and they address this issue so tactfully. And, it’s from a man’s perspective. But in a loving, awe-struck kind of way. I think that adds some depth that wouldn’t be there in another piece like Vagina Monologues. They add different layers. I’d like to have a showing at my house in the near future but I feel a little shy.
Thinking: I am happy with one baby right now. Previously, (perhaps I should say, hormonally?) I had some baby fever even though it wasn’t logical. Now that I can see I have a lot of healing yet to do, I am content to wait…even though I am scared by what I know about waiting and endometriosis I have to put my faith in healing that too. I also find myself longing for something else that’s mine….not just mine but for the greater good. I KNOW raising a decent child will do that, and , I also know for em as a mama, I do better when I have something separate on my plate, something I can delve into…maybe sewing, but maybe not…something more intellectually stimulating. I’ll keep you posted. I’m officially off maternity leave now and not going back, so…I have room to think of all kinds of new horizons.
Reading: Lately Sapphire has been bringing me Mother Earth and Her Children to read about 20 times per day…and I did like it at first, but now I find I have a new found appreciation for the art work, especially that it is actually a quilt, and I want to re-create (ok, copy) the innocence and magic of those images of tots coming out of the soil for us to see daily…perhaps an embroidered pillowcase?
I’m also reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Maybe you’ve heard enough about it after Oprah’s e classes and such several years ago? I’ll, admit, it’s not an easy read, but I am really getting a lot out of the part about the pain body.
It has also made me think a lot about compassion. Forgiveness. Recently I’ve been learning to practice these two…on so many levels. It takes a lot, or it can, in certain situations. I always remember that forgiveness is about putting things down, not carrying them on your back. Forgiveness (to me) does not mean you necessarily condone someone’s behaviour just that you accept that it happened and you’re moving on. Forgiving yourself is the hardest of all. It seems to me that many of us need to forgive ourselves for things undone even more than things done. Carpe Diem to that!
I’ll leave you with a few photos of things made this weekend including some playsilks we dyed for Sapphire. Full tutorial here.
Prepping silks in water and vinegar bath:
Vinegar and food colour in hot water to dye. I found the tutorial skimpy on the amount…I still found 35-40 drops not dark enough for my tastes.
Set about 2 mins, then rinse in cold water until it runs clear. Hang to dry.
I needle-felted this to hang on the wall in our living room. As I mentioned, we’ve been having a rough time and I liked the idea of something on the wall to remind us of what is important and what we DO have. Haley was very touched. I like it.
Charlotte got a nice bamboo/wool blanket and is sporting some new braids…we found one year olds and long flowing doll hair to be a bit crazy to contend with.
A whole basket of felt play food got made because Sapphire has seemed restless with her toys and because I wanted to. It isn’t all wool felt, I had some ecofelt on hand but it is all stuffed with wool. In the basket top clockwise: Swiss chard, carrot, peel-able banana, bumble berry pie, fried egg 1, 2 x’s bacon strips, fried egg 2. More to come.
Peace and happy weekending! Hope I inspired some crafting!