slowing wayy down

Photos mostly from our beautiful solstice together. We made sun stars , and tissue paper lanterns from baby food jars. We ate borscht, and as the sun set we turned off all electrical lights for the evening and even made peppermint bark by candlelight (mmmm).

I was so excited for our first “family Christmas” I think I planned too much maybe not for other families but for our family and our baby. We went caroling in the snow with friends, birthday party for a one year old boy, friends over for dinner…I am actually somewhat happy to some plans fell through like going to our friends’ church for the Christmas eve service and my dear sister-in-law visiting. I so wanted to do those things and see those people but alas the babe has a double ear infection and throat infection. As little sleep as I was getting before, the last few nights have been some of the worst since her birth. Poor little thing keeps crying hysterically and gagging. Her head is like an oven. So, I am trying to very hard to s l o w    d o w n. My mind is still racing a mile a minute with Christmas plans that went undone (a house for her gnome finger puppets, a robe for Haley) that I want to do in these twelve days of Chirstmas.This whole year has been a slowing down of sorts, very hard for me who likes to “Accomplish things.” Up until recently I thought I’d go back to work soon, perhaps just part time…but now I see I can’t and most of all this little quail needs me. Believe what you will, but my heart says this busyness…though normal in some families was too much for her. It took me away from her into the other room sewing and planning and she tried to make it known that she wasn’t ready for this, or perhaps not feeling well. In her behavior she said “Mommy, I need you,” and it breaks my heart to say while i still nursed her and spent much time with her, I was distracted and caught up in my beautiful Christmas dreams. Children are so unique, I can’t compare my babe to other ten month olds -as tempting as that may be…she is on her own timetable and I do truly want to honour that. So here I am again, nursing and bouncing her in the Ergo, on the third yoga ball we’ve been through since her birth. Yes, I have logged over 1000 hours on this ball. Yes, it has driven me bonkers…A LOT…but she is happy most of the time, she feels secure. And who’s to say that her birth and that early separation didn’t create this need to be on our bodies, and feel movement as she did in the womb. I must have faith that in time she’ll outgrow it, in time we’ll all sleep better…and maybe I will secretly miss these snuggles, this time when my biggest job was to fill her need for closeness for hours upon hours a day. It’s an important job..don’t you think?

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