Maybe…

Maybe it’s the new thrift store clothes that actually fit my post-baby body (though other than my more buxom busom I won’t have a figure for a while)

or maybe it’s finally being “out of the woods” at 7 weeks postpartum -finally over barely being able to move, walk, roll over, or sit up unassisted, over the bleeding nipples, the second bout of heavy bleeding that put me on bedrest at 5 weeks, the mastitis…and, well, not over the thrush but dealing with it (trying not to get my clothes, sheets or baby’s face/mouth any more purple than necessary with the gentian  violet)

Maybe it’s the constitutional homeopathic remedy I took last week balancing me out

or maybe it’s finally beginning to feel “bonded” to my sweet baby quail…

maybe it’s that she smiles at and “talks” to me quite seriously, or that, quite often, she only wants me… (and not always just to nurse!)

maybe it’s some mystical, yet real, extra level of connection developping from the first few caught pees and poops and the extra skin to skin we’re all enjoying with less anxiety around diapers and “messes.”

maybe it’s my amazing friends who have been dropping off meals, washing dishes, calling to check-in, visiting, driving me to appointments etc.
maybe, as I suspected, it’s the returning light
or maybe it’s everything…
whatever it is, a year after starting my first blog, here I am again. I’ve been transformed through many trials – leaving a “successful career” on stress leave at the beginning of my pregnancy and a c-section among other things.I feel less raw and vulnerable -though more humbled and open.

It’s as if the world has cracked open and revealed colours and shine that have been missing much of the winter and certainly the last 7 weeks. I just want to be happy as much as possible. My mission is to BE there as often as I can.

I know blogs are supposed to be about something…I don’t know what mine is about yet except me and my thoughts, dreams and projects.

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